The Wisdom of Six Years

Today I met with a student who could possibly fit our empty slot in the Michigan in Washington program. It was so enjoyable to talk to her! We spent a full 45 minutes discussing the program and her life goals. It's amazing how you can just instantly click with some people. This student was one of these people. As she recounted her dashed hopes for attending law school and the resulting malaise of having your life plan pulled out from under you, I could not help but think of myself at that age. I grew up believing I would be a politician or a lawyer. After interning in DC and taking a practice LSAT, I knew that these two options were not the best for me. I know what I am doing is what I should be doing, but I remember the effects of starting all over. Confronting the reality that who you think you should be isn't who you will end up being is difficult to say the least. There may be no more central question than that regarding identity, and if you have already envisioned yourself to be one thing, having that identity wrestled away from you leaves you wondering who you are.

Finding My Inner Domestic Goddess

It is official: I am Mrs. Miller.  I did not take Dan's last name. In fact, I told him there were only a few discrete circumstances under which I would take my husband's last name. First, his last name would have to be undeniably awesome. Like "Edge" (this Dan's mother's maiden name). That is a kick-ass last name. Wait, that is the only circumstance under which I would take his last name. In fact, most of my married friends have kept their last names. I know of only three that have changed theirs, compared to many who have kept theirs. Goodness knows I am not one to rock the boat!

The wedding was a huge success! I did not know one is supposed to have so much fun at her own wedding! Everything worked out: the weather, the food, and even the cheesy music!

In other news, I have a new goal for the summer. I am going to unleash my inner domestic goddess! Let's face it: I can't cook, I am not neat and tidy and my idea of decorating is slapping a poster haphazardly on a blank wall. In fact, my utter lack of domesticity was the fodder for my father's toast at the wedding reception. So each week I will embark on a new project. Tonight I am cooking (with the help of my friend Cassie). Pictures and stories will ensue. Below is a picture of me in a properly domestic outfit (I can't seem to get the picture to flip the right way--sad).

Warm April Snow

I'm back. I haven't been blogging because I have nary a thing to write. Seeing that there is nothing to recap, I will dive right in. Oh wait! Yes, I do have something to share. I picked out my shoes for the wedding (see below). They are the Augusta peep toes in faded aqua, from J. Crew. They are exquisite and I have been traipsing through the house in them. Undoubtedly, if I were swimming in money, I would splurge on quality shoes. Alas,  I am not. 

I am torn as to what to wear for the rehearsal dinner. I have a classic black Givenchy dress (one of my purchases at the Rack in Scottsdale), but I am afraid that the color and fabric are wrong for Cuernavaca, Mexico, at the end of May.

Okay, I have to confess: I am slightly hurt that no one on my father's side of the family will be attending my nuptials. Many who said they were coming have been scared off by the reports of violence in Mexico. Yet my family assures me that everything is fine in Mexico City and Cuernavaca. The fighting is contained to the border region, which is thousands of miles away. While I didn't want a huge wedding, I did think some of the people on my dad's side would come. Alas, it will be a small and intimate wedding.  

Beyond that, I have a poster presentation to prepare in two weeks. My advisor specifically said that he would like to see results. Essentially, Mama has a lot of work to do. 

Happy New Year!

Dear readers! It has been too long. I can't offer a bouquet of excuses, just simply the truth. I had nothing to write about nor did I feel like writing. Now I am in Starbucks in Scottsdale, Arizona, working. I am wearing a heather gray, sleeveless Yves Saint Laurent vest, belted, (as seen here)  and black patent Ferragamo loafers. Thank you sales! Dan and I have been taking full advantage of the retail malaise and have ransacked Nordstrom Rack. We have also been eating, a lot. Now it is the New Year and I have a wedding that I need to get serious about. Dan and I just fully realized how much planning there was still left to do. We are woefully behind. I am hoping that we can pull it together. So far, January looks like it will be a pretty busy month. In full anticipation of this, I have been reading fiction, soaking every minute I have left of this break. I finally capitulated, and read Twilight. This was after Dan's sister, her friend, and I went to see the film. It was so cheesy and awesome that I would be willing to see it again. Any takers? I bought the cheap paperback soon after and loved every word in the purple prose. I don't know if I will read the rest of these books, as I heard that the main characters become incredibly annoying. Any thoughts? And on that note, I will return to my work. 

Don't Go Wasting Your Emotions

Sigh. I have a severe case of verbal diarrhea. Last night was girls' night out and I, per usual, shared too much. I really have to work on that. The good news was that I had a great time and I didn't drink too much! Yay for small victories.

In other news, I miss Dan desperately. It's amazing how much our lives have melded into one. When he isn't around, I feel like I'm simply biding my time until he returns. I know that sounds pathetic, but I feel like I'm just at half-strength without him. Where is he, you ask? Well, our dear male Cher Horowitz finagled a trip to Portugal for a conference. Thus, he is in Lisbon.  The week before he was in Boston for an interview. 

I don't know how I will handle being in the Netherlands sans my DK. The nice thing about being the one leaving, rather than staying, is that the newness of the situation acts as a salve to the loneliness. I will also be busy working on this bloody dissertation. Speaking of which, it is time for me to get back to work.

I Knew Who I Wanted To Be

So this is weird. I'm reading my old blog, which I maintained for roughly two years. How much my life has changed! I'm living with my fiance (in sin, as my dad likes to make clear), I am in month two of my fifth year (gulp!), and I am nowhere closer to being comfortable in my skin. I believed when I was younger that once I reached my mid-twenties, I would suddenly be emancipated from my self-doubts. Au contraire, mes amis, au contraire. 

But really, life is good, in a perverse way. We're in the middle of a financial meltdown and I'm okay. My family is okay. Dan is okay; nay, he is BETTER than okay. My cats, while destroying our furniture and ripping up our carpet, are okay. I'm sad that my prospectus has been such a struggle and that I've lost my drive. But it could be worse. That said, it can always be worse. 

Thursday night was the vice-presidential debate. Cassie, Nate, and their roommate hosted a debate watch party. It was spectacular! Cassie outdid herself, making baked Alaska and providing enough beverages to make Palin's scripted answers funny and not painful. Dan was gone, and I felt so very alone. I am now one of those people to whom I could never relate. I am part of a couple who feels like she is drowning when she is alone. I only talked about my cats and my DK, which is obnoxious, to say the least. The good part is that some awesome people were there, and I was ale to reconnect with someone who was a very good friend first and second year. 

Now I'm in my house, filching Internet from a kind stranger. I'm supposed to be working, but I am rendered immobile from my adviser's comments and my own frustration. Somehow, navel gazing is much more attractive to me than reading another book. 

Will anyone have a Halloween party this year? I sincerely hope so. 

And now back to psuedo-work. 

Puis je fume

The first day of school. How I used to anticipate it so! The end of summer meant running with my sister to Hunter's Glen elementary school to find out which class I had been placed. I would dash into the cafeteria, scroll the lists of names for my grade and leave, either giddy or dejected. I remember when my entire clique was in the other 4th grade class. Oh the agony!

Of course, the night before the first day was even better. I would meticulously plan my outfit (this was prior to my interest in fashion, meaning that the outfit was inevitably plain, bordering on hideous), laying it out by my bed. Next, I would prepare my backpack, cramming it full of bright new folders, Crayola markers, and the prerequisite box of Kleenex. While getting ready for middle school and high school were different, I was still filled with excitement and expectation.

Yesterday was, in its own way, my first day of school. Since beginning graduate school, I have not felt the same kind of nervousness or eagerness that used to engulf me when I was younger; nevertheless, this year feels different to me. Maybe it's because the summer seemed to drag on forever. Or perhaps it's because there is so much I want to do this year and I needed a fresh start. In the end, I think we all look forward to a new start. Like the New Years, the first day of school presents a clearly delineated time when we can change our fortunes, change our behaviors. That is what I want to do this year.

Now that I got that out of my system, I do want to share what I've been doing the past weekend. Dan and I jetted off to Mexico City to find a venue for the wedding. My mother met us down in the city and we stayed with my godmother Mari. The trip was brilliant! Everyone loved Dan and Dan loved them and the country (the first question he asked my dad upon our return was how could he leave)!

With regards to finding a wedding locale, the true problem was deciding between multiple places that were all very nice. Finally, we chose La Hacienda de Cortez in Cuernavaca (http://www.hotelhaciendadecortes.com/). we've also moved up the day of our wedding to May 23rd. More details will follow.

Dan is the first person outside of my family to go with me to Mexico. It was one of those strange occurrences when two of my completely distinct worlds collide. I was born in Mexico and I lived in the city until I was four. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I would travel frequently to Mexico with my family; we would stay there for weeks at a time. Since going to college, however, these trips have trickled to nothing. In fact, this past visit was my first time back sine 2001. Being back felt so strange. It doesn't feel as foreign as it used to, in terms of the presence of American firms, but it doesn't feel as familiar as it once did. That is, I felt completely out of touch with the culture. At lest I am trying to get rid of my Spanish accent. I think having the wedding in Mexico, with my Mexican side of the family attending, is perfect. I will reconnect with a side of me that I haven't paid much mind to, and American family and friends will get to see the real Mexico (there will be no reception at Senor Frogs).