I Knew Who I Wanted To Be

So this is weird. I'm reading my old blog, which I maintained for roughly two years. How much my life has changed! I'm living with my fiance (in sin, as my dad likes to make clear), I am in month two of my fifth year (gulp!), and I am nowhere closer to being comfortable in my skin. I believed when I was younger that once I reached my mid-twenties, I would suddenly be emancipated from my self-doubts. Au contraire, mes amis, au contraire. 

But really, life is good, in a perverse way. We're in the middle of a financial meltdown and I'm okay. My family is okay. Dan is okay; nay, he is BETTER than okay. My cats, while destroying our furniture and ripping up our carpet, are okay. I'm sad that my prospectus has been such a struggle and that I've lost my drive. But it could be worse. That said, it can always be worse. 

Thursday night was the vice-presidential debate. Cassie, Nate, and their roommate hosted a debate watch party. It was spectacular! Cassie outdid herself, making baked Alaska and providing enough beverages to make Palin's scripted answers funny and not painful. Dan was gone, and I felt so very alone. I am now one of those people to whom I could never relate. I am part of a couple who feels like she is drowning when she is alone. I only talked about my cats and my DK, which is obnoxious, to say the least. The good part is that some awesome people were there, and I was ale to reconnect with someone who was a very good friend first and second year. 

Now I'm in my house, filching Internet from a kind stranger. I'm supposed to be working, but I am rendered immobile from my adviser's comments and my own frustration. Somehow, navel gazing is much more attractive to me than reading another book. 

Will anyone have a Halloween party this year? I sincerely hope so. 

And now back to psuedo-work.