Don't Go Wasting Your Emotions

Sigh. I have a severe case of verbal diarrhea. Last night was girls' night out and I, per usual, shared too much. I really have to work on that. The good news was that I had a great time and I didn't drink too much! Yay for small victories.

In other news, I miss Dan desperately. It's amazing how much our lives have melded into one. When he isn't around, I feel like I'm simply biding my time until he returns. I know that sounds pathetic, but I feel like I'm just at half-strength without him. Where is he, you ask? Well, our dear male Cher Horowitz finagled a trip to Portugal for a conference. Thus, he is in Lisbon.  The week before he was in Boston for an interview. 

I don't know how I will handle being in the Netherlands sans my DK. The nice thing about being the one leaving, rather than staying, is that the newness of the situation acts as a salve to the loneliness. I will also be busy working on this bloody dissertation. Speaking of which, it is time for me to get back to work.

I Knew Who I Wanted To Be

So this is weird. I'm reading my old blog, which I maintained for roughly two years. How much my life has changed! I'm living with my fiance (in sin, as my dad likes to make clear), I am in month two of my fifth year (gulp!), and I am nowhere closer to being comfortable in my skin. I believed when I was younger that once I reached my mid-twenties, I would suddenly be emancipated from my self-doubts. Au contraire, mes amis, au contraire. 

But really, life is good, in a perverse way. We're in the middle of a financial meltdown and I'm okay. My family is okay. Dan is okay; nay, he is BETTER than okay. My cats, while destroying our furniture and ripping up our carpet, are okay. I'm sad that my prospectus has been such a struggle and that I've lost my drive. But it could be worse. That said, it can always be worse. 

Thursday night was the vice-presidential debate. Cassie, Nate, and their roommate hosted a debate watch party. It was spectacular! Cassie outdid herself, making baked Alaska and providing enough beverages to make Palin's scripted answers funny and not painful. Dan was gone, and I felt so very alone. I am now one of those people to whom I could never relate. I am part of a couple who feels like she is drowning when she is alone. I only talked about my cats and my DK, which is obnoxious, to say the least. The good part is that some awesome people were there, and I was ale to reconnect with someone who was a very good friend first and second year. 

Now I'm in my house, filching Internet from a kind stranger. I'm supposed to be working, but I am rendered immobile from my adviser's comments and my own frustration. Somehow, navel gazing is much more attractive to me than reading another book. 

Will anyone have a Halloween party this year? I sincerely hope so. 

And now back to psuedo-work. 

Puis je fume

The first day of school. How I used to anticipate it so! The end of summer meant running with my sister to Hunter's Glen elementary school to find out which class I had been placed. I would dash into the cafeteria, scroll the lists of names for my grade and leave, either giddy or dejected. I remember when my entire clique was in the other 4th grade class. Oh the agony!

Of course, the night before the first day was even better. I would meticulously plan my outfit (this was prior to my interest in fashion, meaning that the outfit was inevitably plain, bordering on hideous), laying it out by my bed. Next, I would prepare my backpack, cramming it full of bright new folders, Crayola markers, and the prerequisite box of Kleenex. While getting ready for middle school and high school were different, I was still filled with excitement and expectation.

Yesterday was, in its own way, my first day of school. Since beginning graduate school, I have not felt the same kind of nervousness or eagerness that used to engulf me when I was younger; nevertheless, this year feels different to me. Maybe it's because the summer seemed to drag on forever. Or perhaps it's because there is so much I want to do this year and I needed a fresh start. In the end, I think we all look forward to a new start. Like the New Years, the first day of school presents a clearly delineated time when we can change our fortunes, change our behaviors. That is what I want to do this year.

Now that I got that out of my system, I do want to share what I've been doing the past weekend. Dan and I jetted off to Mexico City to find a venue for the wedding. My mother met us down in the city and we stayed with my godmother Mari. The trip was brilliant! Everyone loved Dan and Dan loved them and the country (the first question he asked my dad upon our return was how could he leave)!

With regards to finding a wedding locale, the true problem was deciding between multiple places that were all very nice. Finally, we chose La Hacienda de Cortez in Cuernavaca (http://www.hotelhaciendadecortes.com/). we've also moved up the day of our wedding to May 23rd. More details will follow.

Dan is the first person outside of my family to go with me to Mexico. It was one of those strange occurrences when two of my completely distinct worlds collide. I was born in Mexico and I lived in the city until I was four. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, I would travel frequently to Mexico with my family; we would stay there for weeks at a time. Since going to college, however, these trips have trickled to nothing. In fact, this past visit was my first time back sine 2001. Being back felt so strange. It doesn't feel as foreign as it used to, in terms of the presence of American firms, but it doesn't feel as familiar as it once did. That is, I felt completely out of touch with the culture. At lest I am trying to get rid of my Spanish accent. I think having the wedding in Mexico, with my Mexican side of the family attending, is perfect. I will reconnect with a side of me that I haven't paid much mind to, and American family and friends will get to see the real Mexico (there will be no reception at Senor Frogs).

Coffee and Doughnuts

This is heaven. I am sitting at the B.'s kitchen table in Nantucket, enjoying my final bites of a blueberry doughnut, and reading jezebel. We are all sitting around the table, engrossed in our own activities. This trip to Nantucket is the perfect antidote to the stressful past two weeks. In fact, I never thought this time would come. I was desperately trying to finish my APSA paper, as well as move my prospectus forward in order to be ready for the poster session my advisor arranged. The Olympics did not help at all. I was up every night until around 1:00 and I was up by 6:00 so I could run and lift. To say I was perpetually exhausted is an understatement. But alas, by 7:30 pm on Thursday, my paper had been uploaded and the poster session was over.

On Friday Dan and I left for Boston. We met up with Dan's friend H. and then took a ferry to Nantucket, where we stayed with H.'s family. Their rambling house has a lovely cottage in the background, where Dan and I are staying. It is all a little Waugh-esque, minus the British manners. Anyway, we had a lovely day on Friday and yesterday we went to the beach, explored a light-house, and did a little shopping. This was capped off by a delicious birthday dinner at B.'s house.

The house is currently fill as H.'s cousins are here as well. They are so lovely! They also have seven dogs and I am so surprised by how much I love them. Dan and I are seriously considering getting one after we are married. We'll have to consult the girls, of course.

Today is our last day on the island. The rest of the week will be spent in Boston. We'll be returning to Ann Arbor on Saturday, and then we leave for Mexico City on Sunday to begin our wedding planning in earnest. This is making me tired just thinking about it. For right now I will concentrate on enjoying myself.

Do I Disappoint You?

I feel compelled to pose this question that has been haunting me for the past few weeks. Who the hell are the Jonas Brothers and why should I care? Any and all thoughts would be very much appreciated.

Obstacle 1

I've been recently fighting a perpetual time crunch. Suddenly, deadlines transformed from laudable mechanisms to force me to complete my work into real and binding things. Since Wednesday morning, I feel that I'm constantly tense, constantly staring at the computer, and constantly fighting this wave of nausea. The physical manifestation of this stress is the worst. For instance, since beginning to lift weights I've developed these bulging veins in my hands, and they seems to throb every time I think of what I have to do.

I had a presentation on Friday. To call my performance "craptastic" would be unduly generous.

What has made this week interesting is the purported presence of Drew Barrymore. Apparently, she is shooting her directorial debut in Ann Arbor (thanks US Weekly!). I've never met a real celebrity, which I think is unfair given my obsession with them. Oh, and I read Little Girl Lost. Thus, I've been staked out on Main Street, hoping for a sighting. So far the only notable sighting was my old crush and his girlfriend eating dinner at Cafe Felix. It was so bloody awkward, although I'm engaged and the entire episode took place years ago. His back was to me and his girlfriend saw me and whispered to him. He turned around and saw me, but I, oh sly one, was acting like I was texting someone although in reality, I don't text because it is too expensive on my plan. HA! So we all acted as if we didn't see each other. It was on this date when I choose to pair my adorable khaki shorts with a plain gray SWEATSHIRT FROM MEIJER. It always seems that I run into people when I look like a schlub.

Now I'm back on Main Street, working on my paper for APSA. I'm actually enjoying my work. In fact, I love it. It is just the stress that gets to me. As I type this I wonder if perhaps I'll see a famous person. Ellen Page? Marcia Gay Harden? Drew Barrymore? I'm not picky.

Bisous Cat's Q & A, Courtesy D. Smith

I ran the idea of Bisous Cat hosting a Q & A show on public television past David. In response, David provided this absolutely perfect script of how such a show would progress. Please note, Raffi is my parent's ambiguously gay cat. He has a British accent and heaven knows how he ended up in Kentucky. Isabel is my sweet, darling, loving cat, who happens to rub against anyone and everyone. Snickers is Cassie's long-haired cat who may or may not be fatter than Bisous Cat (and Bisous Cat is huge).

Voici David's masterpiece: 

BISOUS CAT: Please welcome our wegular guest, Isabel.

(APPLAUSE)

ISABEL: Meow . . .

BISOUS CAT: Shut up Isabel, no-one's intewested. Go and find a lap you haven't sat on yet. If you can. All the way fwom Kentucky, Waffi!

(APPLAUSE)

RAFFI: Yes, it's, er, charming to be in Michigan. I say, is there a decent bathhouse anywhere around here?

BISOUS CAT: Why don't you just lick yourself like evewyone else?

RAFFI: Er, well, it's not so much the cleaning aspect I'm looking for. . .

BISOUS CAT: And speaking of cats who don't clean themselves, please welcome Snickews!

(APPLAUSE)

SNICKERS: None of you have any fashion sense to wear your fur long.

BISOUS CAT: And none of us have our fuw wecognized as a national park.

RAFFI: Oh, MEOW!

SNICKERS: Or have our ass recognized as a planet. Oh, wait, I believe NASA's trying to contact you now. . .

RAFFI: Oh, this is going to be FUN. Someone bring me a martini. . .