Call Me Irresponsible

What a very strange, strange day: I've been running into old students, feeling under the weather, feeling sparks, feeling dizzy and feeling extremely irresponsible. First things first. Like most days this week, I got up much later than I had intended to and I still managed to feel exhausted. I then went and ran my three miles, except that these three miles could have been the hardest three miles I've ever ran. I have no idea why I felt like I couln't finish. I did finish though, and felt proud of myself for doing so. Later, on my walk to the office, I ran into an old student. After our conversation (stilted as all conversations with former students tend to be), I was overcome by my desire to smoke a cigarette. This need to smoke has been a constant for about two weeks now. Each time, I supress it, but today was different. But I already told you that. So I bought a pack of cigarettes and lit up. I won't lie: I felt cool. And incredibly dizzy. My God was I dizzy. And THEN I ran into another old student who was talking to someone who looked very familiar. Now, granted, I could only see his back. It turned out to be my crush from the French class I took second year. He looked very happy to see me. He looks the same, and trust me, that is a good thing. There were sparks, which worries me. I am very devoted to Dan and I am unaccustomed to having chemistry with other individuals. And then I noticed I had this bloody cigarette dangling from one of my hands. Oh crap! Smoking is very stigmatized here and I felt like a dizzy fool. We had a rushed conversation and I don't know whether or not to write on his facebook wall. This is the kind of chemistry that isn't just felt by one person. Such are the travails I face. I then had to go to an eye exam. I love my eye doctor! Our personality types are so compatible. Unfortunately, he had to dilate my eyes and now everything is blurry. I smoked another cigarette and it felt horrible. I thought I was going to puke. I then bought a pack of animal crackers to counteract the effect. Note that I was tempted to smoke in order to lose some of this ghastly weight I have packed on my abdomen and what do I do? I run to the vending machine and buy a pack of processed junk. See!? Smoking normally makes people not want to eat; however, it has the opposite effect on me. So now I'm typing this entry after a 30 minute nap on my floor. It is gray and rainy. I have a lot of work to do and I've been entirely unproductive. Dan and I head to Kentucky tomorrow. I'm excited to see my parents and perhaps some sunshine.